Sleeping Soul

I have walked through the graveyard
Lost in the unseen world
No hiss, no cry
Only the leaves that are dry
Sputter sound as they crash beneath
Under the feet of an unwanted stranger,
And I wonder
Have I disturbed the sleeping souls?
Or,
Have I surprised the sleeping souls?

An understanding letter from a mother to her son.

Dear Ryan,
I hope you are happy now. You can have your evening coffee in peace. You no longer need to resolve any issues. Your coming days will be better.
I wish I had taken the decision long back. I thought, being with you till my last breath, was my responsibility. I thought you would need me in the journey of life. In fact, as I write this, I feel,  actually I have not grown up. I am brought up in the generation where parents are believed to be the guide. But in this digital era, guidance too is available at the tip of one's finger. I don't know, but I had a feeling that you need me until now, when I write this.
Do you remember the days when you were sick? Let me remind you, in case, you had forgotten. You used to hug me tight and request me to run my fingers through your hair. You would ask me to prepare your favorite dishes. But now, you go for a relaxation session in the parlour and order your favorite food through different online apps. I understand, dear son, that now love and care can be ordered too.
Do you remember your favourite cake that I used to bake in your birthdays? I know it no longer suits your taste buds as dark forest and even the names I don't know, have outnumbered your mother's homebaked cakes.
Do you remember the vacations that your dad, you and I went to? We all used to go once together. But now I feel sorry when you fail to take your wife and your daughter for a vacation because of me. You neither want to include me, nor exclude me. And you end up sending your wife and daughter with your in-laws.
I now understood why your father insisted to live in a separate flat. He had foreseen things. He wanted me to understand that as our child grows up, we need to give them, their personal space. I wished I had not argued with him. Gone are the days, when everyone wants to live under the same roof. Privacy and separation are the call of today's living.
I think,  I always wanted a comfort zone. So, I never thought of anything except you. But now, I have known things better in the last two years, after your father's death. And as I write this, I tell you, dear son, that from this moment I take the charge of my own life. I have thought of looking after your father's boutique. I have even booked a flat nearby. Today, I will be shifting there. I will visit you and your family at weekends. You and your family is also welcomed at my place. I wish you understood me and respect my decision.
I remain,
Yours loving mother.

Poem

Never do I want anything from you,
Neither I wish to be your priority,
I just want you
To be the same,
As you were the moment I fell for you... 

Poem: Why do I write?

I write,
To let my pain flow sometimes
As words,
To express what I fail-
To say,
I write,
To rejoice my victory sometimes,
To remind me of my failure at times,
I write,
To make my love immortal
For someone my heart beats,
I write,
To leave memories after me,
To let you search me in my writings...

Debt paid by an Alzheimer's patient daughter

After a long, tiresome week, I chose to watch a South Korean movie, 'A Moment to Remember,' suggested by one of my friends.
I wanted to relax, but the movie left me restless. It reminded me of  someone my mom told me, years back.
I remembered clearly that particular visit to my  maternal place when I met Ridhima Mashi; young, beautiful and an energetic teacher. Like every curious girl, I asked my mom, 'Is she married?'
My mom did not give me a direct answer.
'I will tell you later.'
I forgot and she too never told. The years rolled by.  And I almost forgot about her until we met her again on my last visit.
She was now a principal of a government school. Nothing had changed much except her hair. She still stood tall in her beauty and personality. I observed her minutely. She did not carry any sign of a married woman. But then I thought, why did my mother not say no directly?
So, now as a grown up lady, I asked mom again. This time she narrated me the story.
Ridhima was the youngest daughter of her parents. After her birth, her mother had an unusual disease. Ridhima's mother was diagnosed with eclampsia and then after a few years with Alzheimer. Ridhima's mother never knew she was her daughter. As her abnormalities increased, Ridhima's mother kept aloof from others in a separate room.
Ridhima never got her mother's love and care. Her family too tagged her as a cursed child. With time, Ridhima grew up as a beautiful lady. Her eldest brother became a doctor. Her elder sister got married early even before she could complete her graduation.
Ridhima completed her graduation in chemistry. Soon after her graduation, her marriage got fixed to a football player of a famous football club of West Bengal.
She got married to that footballer. As per rituals, she came with her husband to take the blessings.
During their stay, Her husband observed her mother. And from one of her relatives, he came to know about Ridhima's mother's conditions.
Once they returned back, Ridhima's husband told about his mother-in-law's mental state to his family. They only knew that she was not well. But now he knew everything. The guy's sister-in-law told him that Ridhima  too might develop this after her pregnancy. And it left him disturbed.
Ridhima was witnessing all these discussions. But she chose to remain silent. Their honeymoon was already planned. And as scheduled, they were about to leave for Shimla. They reached the station before time. Her husband told her that he would bring some eatables and would be back soon. 
She waited for him. The train came and left. But he did not turn up.  That whole evening, she sat in the station waiting for him.
She knew he would never come back. So, she returned back to her home.
Ridhima then did some professional courses and joined a school after three years of that incident. She did not remarry. Her brother along with his wife and two daughters left Ridhima and his ailing mother, and settled in Delhi. Ridhima took care of her mother and she continued working in that school. Her mother passed away at the age of 77.
Now, Ridhima lived alone in the house with the memories of her mother who never gave her the recognition as a daughter.
Readers, this is the story of my mother's friend. I know some diseases are incurable. And so was in the case of Ridhima's mother. But what was the fault of Ridhima? Don't you think she was punished for being an Alzheimer's patient daughter?

Short Story: The Gambler

'Need to tell you something. Please call me, once you are free.' I received a message from Payal.
'I am in the middle of an assignment. I will call you once I am free.' I texted.
'Okay.' I received an instant reply.
I got busy with my work and almost forgot about this. But while I was having my dinner, Payal's message crossed my mind. I finished my dinner and then quickly finished the kitchen stuff.
I rang up Payal. She received my call in just one ring. It seemed she had been waiting for my call.
'Hello, Arpita.'
'Hello.' I replied back.
'My friend wants to talk to you.  She needs some advice or rather a counselling session. Will you have time to meet us for an hour this weekend?'
I could never say no to Payal. So, I promised to meet them at Cafe Bistro.
I found them there when I reached. They were having coffee. I felt as if meeting me in time that was what mattered to them.
Payal got up and gave me a hug. She then introduced me to her friend, Mousami Roy.
I shook my hand with her and settled down on a chair opposite to her.
'What do you want to have?' Payal asked as she pushed the menu towards me.
'Caffe latte.'
I waited for my coffee. But till then, there was a silence. Only we exchanged smiles.
I took few sips of the hot coffee. And I thought of initiating the conversation.
'So... Mousami, how can I help you?'
'I am in a dilemma. I don't know what to do.
I heard about you from Payal. And so I thought of meeting you.'
'I am not a professional counsellor. My advice and suggestions sometimes work for my friends. I can't say how far I will be helpful. Tell me, why are you confused? What is troubling you?'
Mousami then narrated me her story. Two years back, her next lane neighbour brought the proposal of their only son for her. The boy,
Rupam Sarkar, was also known to them all. She had seen him many a times in her growing years. Rupam completed his graduation in Guwahati and then went to Kolkata. He got a job in a reputed bank and was settled there. He visited his parents during festivals. Mousami's parents were happy to get a proposal from a family in the neighbourhood. Moreover, their younger daughter would not be too far from them, unlike their elder one. Mousami's elder sister, Reesha, was settled in Cochin. Reesha was happily married to a guy from West Bengal and was a proud mother of a one year old boy.
Mousami's mother discussed about the proposal with Reesha over phone. They were happy and decided to take the proposal further if Mousami gave her consent. Mousami asked some time to know the guy. Both the families agreed.
She began talking to Rupam over the phone. After two months, they met. It was a fairy tale for her. Rupam appeared to her like the Prince of the many stories she had heard of. Rupam was a very decent, loving and caring person. Within a year's time, he bonded very well, even with her sister and her brother-in-law. She felt lucky. She could share with him everything without the fear of being judged. He wanted to give her all the happiness on earth. So, he thought of starting a small venture. He told her that he was working overtime to make his business grow.  She felt happy that she had a hard working life partner.
Months passed. Her relationship with Rupam became strong and her love for him increased with passing day. And finally their marriage got fixed. It was scheduled on 20th July, 2018.
She was busy making plans for her future life. Everything was going as planned. A month before her marriage, Rupam told her that his shares were in great loss. He was in need of financial help. He even added he could not ask from his parents as they had been arranging stuff for marriage.
Mousami was a front office executive in a car showroom. And she had used her small savings in the marriage arrangements. So, she told Rupam that she could only help him with Rs 10,000. Rupam wanted around Rs 50,000. And with Mousami's help also he would not be able to compensate his loss. Rupam then sought help from Reesha's husband who readily agreed. Things got sorted out and every arrangement of her marriage was done without any hurdle. On 19th July, 2018 her mother got to know about all this. She did not like Rupam's act. She did not get a good feeling. She even asked Mousami if she wanted to give a second thought for Rupam. Mousami assured her mother that everything would be alright. It was her concern for Mousami that resulted in such thoughts. And on 20th July, Mousami and Rupam got married in a grand way.
After all rituals, Rupam left for Kolkata and Mousami continued her job in Guwahati. She stayed with her in-laws. She would visit her parents twice a week and sometimes even stayed with them.
After about a month, Mousami's father was diagnosed with cancer. So, her parents left for Chennai in the middle of September.
Mousami was going through emotional crisis. Rupam came to Guwahati for some personal work. Rupam at that time insisted her to open a locker and keep her jewelry there. She agreed and did the same. Mousami expressed her desire to be with her parents during Pooja vacation as her father would be going through chemotherapy. He agreed.  He told that he too would join. Mousami was happy and felt proud of his gestures.
In the end of September, Mousami asked Rupam to do her travelling arrangements. He told her that he was in short, of fund. So, she transferred Rs 17,000 in Rupam's account.
After two days, she asked him whether he had arranged the flight tickets. He told her that he had. She was about to board flight on 15/10/2018 from Guwahati.
On 12th of October, she asked Rupam to mail her the tickets. And that day, he told her that he needed the money urgently and had used for his work.
She was shocked. She did not ask for any clarification. One of her colleagues made the arrangement, and she left for Chennai in the scheduled day. She was received by her father at the airport. She felt helpless when she hugged her dad, her real hero who cared for her even during his illness.
Rupam joined her in Chennai on 21st October. And once she returned to the lodge after a tiresome day at the hospital, he became desperate to have sex.
She was silent. She did not speak a word. Next morning, when Rupam was trying to become cosy with her, she pushed him. She asked him what he did with her 17000 rupees. He casually told her that he lost that money by chance in gambling. She got the shock of her life.
After two days, Rupam left for Kolkata and she resumed her work in Guwahati. There were many things going on her mind. She had to find answers. After a few days, she went to the bank and checked her locker. To her surprise, it was empty. She asked Rupam about this. He told her very casually that he sold them off.
She left her in-laws house and came back to her house because her mother in law did not want to hear a single word against her son.
She was helpless. She called Reesha and told her everything. Reesha asked her not to worry since she would look into the matter.
Reesha and her husband called him and asked him to return their money urgently. He said he would give them in two days. But after that, he stopped receiving their calls. Reesha's husband tried to find Rupam's details. He was shocked to know the details.
Rupam was an ex employer of the bank. Due to his irresponsible ways, he was terminated from the job. He had lost a huge amount of money in gambling.
Everyone in Mousami's family was in great shock after knowing about Rupam. His parents did not accept the fact that their son was a fraud. They indirectly put the blame on Mousami. They believed that Mousami brought misfortune for Rupam.
She left her in-laws house and came back to her parents place. Her parents had not returned from Chennai.
She began sobbing loudly. I put my hand on hers.
'Have you filed a case against him?' I asked.
'No.'
'What do you want to do? How can you live your life like this? Don't you deserve a better life?'
'I do deserve a better life. I have known him for more than two years. I have made moments with him. Now, suddenly I am asked to leave him. I am advised by all to file divorce case.  But no one can understand what I am going through. Tell me, is divorce the only solution. Will my life be same after divorce? Will I be allowed to live a life without being tagged as divorcee? Don't you think life is a big gambler than my husband?'
I was speechless. Truly, do I have answers to her questions?

Short Story: Black and Wealthy Lottery

Sutapa Bhattacharjee
Scale 1 Officer
Salary: 70,000
Status: Married
Education Details: M.Sc, Statistics.
I filled up my particulars very proudly for an internal examination. I knew I would crack the examination. All throughout my student life and career I had always made to the top ten lists.  Success had never betrayed me. I proved myself capable at every step, but still I could not figure out why I fumbled in my personal front after marriage. A free bird got caged, I thought. Was my marriage a cage? Or, was I a part of social stigma?
I sat in my office half heartedly. I could not concentrate on my work. I skipped meetings and returned to my home early.
My son, Ankur had already returned from the school. He was doing his homework when I entered. My daughter was playing with my mom. My father was taking a rest after lunch and my mother was there in the drawing room with my kids. She was having her granny time.  She was supervising Ankur's homeworks and at the same time taking care of Ananya. I had employed a lady who looked after my daughter's needs. My mother just gave her instructions how to do.
I smiled at them and walked to my room. I kept the official stuff on the couch and headed towards the bathroom.
I took a cold shower for 5 minutes. I put on the bath towel and walked barefoot to my room. As I stood in front of the mirror, I saw myself. Tears rolled down. And once again, I took the train 5 years back.
April 28, 2013, I got married to Arindam Banerjee.  Arindam worked in an MNC as a sales executive. He was a B. Com graduate.
His family accepted our proposal sent in Bharat matrimony. After a few initial discussions, we met. He was a good guy and his family seemed to be simple. He was the only son. He stayed with his parents in Kolkata. As I was working with a state government organisation, he would try to shift to my place, Guwahati. Arindam was tall, thin and white complexioned guy. I never thought he would say yes to me. But he did. Neither did he match up with my expectations, but still I too said yes. I only knew how many times I was rejected. So, finally I, a dark complexioned healthy girl, fortunately married a handsome guy.
After marriage, I found Arindam to be supportive, caring and good husband. He was unable to shift to Guwahati but he visits me twice every month. Sometimes, he would come every weekend. I too visited him and spent my holidays at his home, Kolkata. Life had been the way I dreamt, supportive husband and good in laws.  Whenever I went to Kolkata, we spent most of the time indoors. He did not like to visit his relatives or his friends. I found him introvert.  But he was always good to me.
One year passed. On 4th May, 2014, his cousin sister's marriage was fixed at Silchar. I was excited to attend the wedding. She was close to me. I was planning to attend when Arindam told he would be on an official tour and would attend on the way. He added further that it would be difficult for him to take me along. I tried to make him understand, but despite of this, he did not take me along. I was hurt, but I ignored.
4th June, 2015, we were blessed with a baby son. They named him Ankur as my husband's name to have A as the first initial. Everything was beautiful in my life except social in acceptance. I never had the opportunity to meet his friends and go out for a get together.
Two years later, I was again blessed with a baby girl. She made my life complete. As expected, she too was named by the first initial of her dad.
I had two lovely kids,  Good husband, in laws and everything. Yet, I was not accepted completely. Sometimes,  I felt I was a good deal for Arindam. I had government Service and his job and career got a mortgage. As time rolled by, this feeling was becoming more firm. I always wondered how could a guy like Arindam accept to marry me?  I was rejected 30 times by different guys. They never stated the reason. They only said we would contact later,  after they would meet me face to face. But their calls never came and my parents wait never ended. So, when Arindam said yes,  we were happy. I was happy that someone gave value to my qualifications, my job and for what a person I was and not to outer beauty. I kept Arindam in high regards. But with time, I was seeing another face of him, the reality.
I was lost. My daughter's cry brought me back to my present world. I quickly put on my trouser and tee and rushed downstairs.
I took her from my mother's lap. My son rushed to me.
'Mom, see this is a lottery ticket. Grandpa gave me. He said that we would win if luck favor us.'
I nodded with a smile.
And then I thought, 'Am I not a wealthy lottery ticket for Arindam?'

Short Story: I am still a Virgin

Happy Anniversary. Stay blessed. Warmest wishes. Anniversary Cheers...

I went on clicking the like button. 239 messages, I received on my first anniversary. It was 11.30pm. My husband had dozed off already. I was there, still awake and reading the messages. It was my first anniversary for my friends, relatives and all who did not miss to leave a message for me. But for me, it was like another usual day. I woke up, did all household chores under the supervision of my mother in law, had lunch, served snacks and tea in the evening, had dinner. The day ended. My husband as usual tired, slept even before I made to the bedroom. He did not even bother to wish me. I doubted even if he remembered.
I slipped out of the bedroom and sat in the balcony. Unable to cope with the emotional turmoil, I rang Sarah. Sarah was my roommate. She was younger to me. I met her during my post graduation days. She was pursuing MBBS at that time. And now she was doing her post graduation in Surgery. She was the only person with whom I could speak my heart out. She received my call in just one ring.
'Hello Vansikha Di.'
I could not even manage to say hello. I started sobbing in suppressing voice.  She did not say anything. She just listened. She knew I would never listen to her advice. So, she just let me be on my own. After sometime, I could hear some sounds inside. I disconnected the call and peeped inside. My husband had woken up and he had put the lights on.
I walked back to the bedroom.
'With whom are you talking to?' He questioned.
I threw my cell in the bed.
'Check it.'
He kept silent.
'Do you know, what day is today? Let me, excuse myself, you don't even care to know. Last one year, you cared for nothing. My dreams, my desires, my needs and even I do not matter to you at all.  You give deaf ears to my feelings. I can't even say, I am married. I am the only woman who is still virgin even after marriage. I am an all time free maid.' I shouted at him. I wanted to tell many things, but couldn't frame sentences. Tears were unstoppable.
'What do you mean by desires? It seems you are crazy for sex.' He added.
'Yes, I am. Tell me, Who on earth won't be? We are married for one year and have known each other for 2 years. I have my desires and you are least interested in having sex. Whenever I come close, you avoid giving excuses that you are tired after taking classes at the University. Tell me, are you the only professor at the University? Or, the professors are exempted from having sex with their wives. One more thing, tell me, why do people go for honeymoon? There too, you were tired after sightseeing. In the last one year, you have been tired but your medical report says you are perfect;  no heart disease.
And you know I think my scariest nightmare is true. You are impotent.' I said directly on his face.
He chose not to answer. Turned off the light and slept.
I slipped on the floor and cried. He was heartless and had destroyed my life. I was a bright student and I had a great career. Had I not married, I would have been doing research at the University of Georgia.
I wished I could rewind my life. I wished I had not chosen to meet him at a common friend's request. I wished I had listened to my father who did not like him, but only accepted the proposal because of me. I wished I had not been brought up in a society where sex before marriage was a crime. I wished I had taken the relationship to a next level. I wished I was not mesmerized by his gifts and dinner dates. I wished I could tell my parents as I confronted him today. I couldn't. I couldn't. How could I tell my parents that my husband is impotent? Only Sarah knew. She wanted to talk on my behalf to my parents. But I stopped her. My mother would not be able to bear this. She already had heart disease.
I could not think of any way out. Neither I could tell my parents not I could call off my marriage. Sorry, I am married for the society. But in the eyes of law and medical science, I am single and a virgin. 

Short Story: Get Together

I was sitting at the Corner Cafe, the same place where I partied last. As usual, I made to the place in time. I looked around me. Things had changed in the last four years. Not only the interior of the Cafe and the menu that was kept on the glass table, but I too had changed. In the last four years, I became unsocial; no Facebook updates. I remembered I changed my relationship status  four years back from single to married and my casual profile picture to a bridal one. After that, I was tagged by some of my in-laws in their group pictures which I would intentionally Untag myself. My husband never clicked our picture and if by chance someone did, he never uploaded one. Life had been more like a routine that I had to follow. I never lived a single day in the last four years with happiness, love and gratitude. I lived because I had to. The chirpy, the funniest human being in me died that day when my parents fixed my marriage with Aakash. I wanted to marry highly qualified person who could match up with my own. Like every girl, I had a certain obsession about my life partner. Aakash did not suit in any of my criteria. But my parents selected Aakash, an accountant, in a reputed public sector organisation. I was a PhD holder in Physics whereas Aakash was just Masters in Commerce. My dream to purse further studies got crushed with my marriage. My parents never understood my desire and I choose not to share with Aakash. I did not even tried for a job and just to keep myself away from depression I took some classes in a reputed coaching center. And with the amount that I received from the Coaching Institute, I took care of my own expenditure. I never used Aakash's credit card though he gave me one after our marriage.
I felt someone shaking my chair vigorously. I turned.
Stacy and Violina were there. I stood up and hugged them.
'Mehak, you haven't changed. You still look sexy and stunning.' Violina complimented.
I blushed. I heard a compliment after a long time.
'Aakash has magic in his hands.' Stacy remarked.
I smiled. I had less interest to talk about Aakash.
'Violina, Congratulations. How is your baby girl?' I quickly asked, shifting their attention from Aakash.
'Both my husband and daughter are the same. They want me to be around them always.'
'Poor you.' Stacy quickly remarked.
'Huh! Disgusting.' Violina nodded.
Violina married her long time Beau Suraj. He was a peculiar person, at least for me. He did not like Violina socialising with her friends. He wanted all the attention. Violina's life revolved only around him. She was married for three years and recently she gave birth to a baby girl who was just two months old. After her marriage, three of us met today. Every time we planned something, she would cancel at the last moment. And then we stopped calling her to get togethers. This time it was her plan. She dropped her baby at her mother's place and came to meet us without her husband's notice. I felt lucky in this matter for Aakash never said no. I remembered how he hosted my friends very warmly after our marriage. Aakash cooked different dishes and Stacy and Violina were jealous of me. They felt I had the best husband in the world. Stacy would sometimes surprisingly drop in at my place and Aakash would excuse himself, giving us privacy.  He would make sure that I had a good time with my best friend. But Violina's husband never liked her friends dropping in without prior notice.
There was a complete silence. Violina was going through the menu. And Stacy was checking her mails.
'Why have we met? Can't we keep our worries away, at least for some time?' I finally broke the silence.
Both nodded. We ordered our all time favorite sizzlers, baked fish and strawberry mojito.
I asked Stacy about her job. She was a data scientist, and was working with one of the famous MNCs.  She had been to Paris recently and narrated us about her trip.
'When are you thinking of settling down?' I asked.
'Find me someone like Aakash, I will.' She mocked. She always kept Aakash in high regards. After her breakup, she stopped trusting guys. Her 12 year relationship ended in a bad note and after that she became career oriented and had decided never to get married. 
We ate our lunch, listening to all the adventures Stacy had in Paris. But in my mind, I was thinking about Aakash. I always thought I was not happy after marrying Aakash but I could not find a single reason to blame Aakash. Unlike Violina's husband, Aakash always asked for my approval before sex. He never forced himself onto me. I remembered after two years of our marriage, our parents wanted us to have a child. I told Aakash I need some time to think. He respected my opinion. He never argued with me.
After lunch, we bade each other with a promise that we would soon catch up again.
I walked lazily in the street. I was lost within myself since I failed to value the most precious gift of my life. That moment, I realised my mistake. And I thanked my friends for that. Had we not planned to meet after four years, I would have never realized that how my life was happy and content only because of Aakash. The four years of my marriage flashed in the mirror of my thoughts. I turned page after pages, but failed to find any incident when Aakash misbehaved with me. He was supportive, understanding, caring and someone who never forced his decisions upon me. In the last four years, Aakash never made me feel that I was no longer at my parents place. He had taken care of each small thing; likes, dislikes, what turns me on, what turns me off and so on.  In fact,  I understood now that he was perfect.
I took out my cell and dialed Aakash's number.
'I love you, Aakash. You have been the best chapter of my life.' I said even before Aakash could utter a word.
'Who are you?' an unknown voice asked.
'I am Aakash Sarma's wife. Who are you?'
'Please come to Apollo Hospital. Your husband met with an accident.'
I could not believe what I heard just now. I booked a cab and rushed to the hospital.
I went to the enquiry office. There I met the man who admitted my husband to the hospital. He told me that Aakash was hit by a water tanker. He handed me the wallet, mobile and a bouquet. He told me that my husband had injuries in his head.
I could not keep myself strong. Tears dropped and I collapsed.
I did not know how long after I gained consciousness. I was in an unknown cabin. I saw my husband's belongings there. A bouquet of white orchids too was there. I saw a greeting card there. A Note was there.
O beloved,
I want to get drenched
In the rain
Of your love...
Hold me
Closer,
Let me feel you,
Let our breathe together -
 Create symphony,
And for a moment,
Let the world stop,
As our lips meet
And let me be yours
Forever...
Happy Anniversary dear!
I hugged the bouquet and tears burst out. I never wished him and he never forgot our anniversary...

Poem

Sometimes I fear
Like that baby bird,
Who fears of flipping her wings,
Sometimes I feel
Like that bird,
Who wants to fly
But is caged,
And sometimes I want to be-
Like that bird
Who flies higher and higher,
Whose goal is set,
And who knows where she is meant to go...

He and she.

He - Remember me. Miss me. Love me.
She - Who are you?
He - What you think me to be for you? That is what I am...
She - Wow. Someone is playing with words.
He - You taught me.

Poem

The smell of shiuli flowers is refreshing
The beats of dhak once again is appealing
Life has  changed
And another year has passed
In the blink of an eye;
The journey from one festive season to the other-
Has been remarkable,
A story had ended,
Another new story for the lifetime has been written;
I had unveiled many faces,
I had made new lifelong relationships,
I had experienced another year
Of loss and love...
I had learnt many things
And I will keep learning
Till the next festive season...

Poem

How difficult the path had been
Yet you chose to walk
By my side,
Like the torch
In the darkness
Making me believe
That true love exists
Even in the world of betrayals....

Snippet

He- 'You take time to understand things.'
She - 'Yes. I am a tube light.'
He - 'Be with me. You will start getting things early.'
She- 'I am with you and not with your neighbour.'
He - 'But if you leave me. Who knows?'
She - 'Yes. Good question. You will get a Nobel Prize for that.'
He- 'Wow. Nobel Prize. It seems you will help me fulfill that.'
She - 'I won't. It seems you want Nobel Prize.'
He - 'I want a Nobel Prize for discovering you.'

One bite.

'I am hungry. I need to munch on now.' She said.
'Okay.' He stopped his bike once he spotted a parking lot.
'Let's go there.' She pointed.
'One bite.' He read.
A roadside food junction caught glimpse of their eyes. They climbed the stairs and entered a small cafe.
He ordered two double cheese burger and two cokes.
She was looking around the cafe. Dimly lit, walls painted, photo frames hanged and words encrypted. She began reading the lines and suddenly shifted her eyes towards him and suppressed her laugh.
'What?' He asked. His eyebrows frowned.
'Sir, your order is ready.'
He stood up and within a minute came back with the food.
At the sight of the burger she burst out.
He was puzzled and could not read what was going on her mind.
'I want to be inside you.' She chuckled.
He looked at her, confused.
She took the burger and continued eating, giving him a sensuous look all the while.
He ignored her look. He ate his burger, without looking at her even once.
She enjoyed playing with his mind.
They finished their burger and coke in silence.
As they were about to leave, she said, 'Thank God, I have you. I was so hungry.'
He turned towards her. As he was about to tell her something, he read the tagline.
'One bite. I want to be inside you.'
And this time they burst out laughing together.

Snippet

'You do not express your feelings.' He complained.

'Hmm... ' she nodded in acceptance. 

'But you know, sometimes I desperately want to hear I love you.' He sighed. 

'You are the best choice I have made in my life.' She said directly looking into his eyes, making him fall for her more.

Memories

The memories always leave behind deep hollowness. The memories as you record now, you might even cherish in your future days, but somewhere you will be left void within. You would wish to relive those if those were the best ones. And in the same way, you would want to delete those forever if those were hurting you. Memories are those chapters; good or bad,  are bound to gift you tears. Whatever be, they follow you. Sometimes they knock at your doorstep when you thought you no longer inherit them. And that moment, you carry the unwanted baggage with you. You stealthily walk with those and your thoughts once again become chaotic. You are completely drowned and you start fighting with your own self. Can you retrieve back? How long will it take?  Will it take a part of you?  Will it make you strong? Will it make you submissive forever? Will you be able to start a new journey alone? But the question that you need to ask yourself - Is it worthy of some much attention? Think and justify.

Poem

I know
Whenever I will get lost
Somewhere in my past
Your love will track me
To my present,
To you...

Short Poem

My scars are deep,
I weep,
And I search a place to retreat,
It is your heart
Every time I rest...
Where your words don't kill,
But heal...

A Note to the Savior

Dear Saver,
You happen to me when the candle of hope was about to extinguish. You lit up the path with the new candle that sparkles hope, love, care and assurance. Your presence has made the candle light the dark corners of my life. Your heart is the place where I can always escape to without the fear of being judged, the fear of being hurt and the fear of being left alone. You are the destination of my wandering soul.
I remain,
Your Angry Bird.

Poem

Once again,
I feel the warmth of the morning sun,
And the promise of setting sun...
Once again,
I see a new dawn,
I see new hopes knocking...
Once again,
I am smiling,
I am dancing in rain...
Once again,
My wounds are healing,
My world is changing...

Short Conversation

'I am irresponsible and hopeless.' I said.
'Don't be. You are going to be with me now.' He advised.
'You will look after things. Why do I need to worry?' I replied.
'Yes, I will. But together we can make changes responsibly.' He added.
'Two serious people will end up making life black and white.' I said thoughtfully.
'Okay. Be irresponsible with me then.'
'That I am now only 😂😂...' I said.
'Don't you .... me?' He questioned.
'Yes, I respect you.' I replied.
'Only respect. Huh...'
'I adore you... ' I replied back.
'And... ' He asked again.
'I like you... ' I replied.
'And... '
'I irritate you...'
'I love the way you irritate me.' He replied finally giving up on me.

Short Poem

I need you
Like the setting Sun
Who keeps the promise
And return to me
The following day...

Poem

Hold me tight
With love,
Let your embrace be eternal,
Let me find solace,
Let me get caged forever,
Let me not seek shelter anywhere,
Assure me,
You won't let me go,
And I promise
To synchronize my heart beats with yours...

Poem

I am at the crossroad
I see my past doors flung open
Trying to pull me
While the present doors confuse me
They are half open and half closed...
But my future door smiles at me
With arms wide open,
Calling me loud to come and embrace it...

Snippet

He said, 'Forget about your past. The past should be blank. Be at present.'
'Make my present more beautiful so that I have no time to look at my past.' She replied.
'You mean it... Right.'
'Yes. I do. But don't pamper me.' She added quickly.
'Leave it to me. I know what to do.' He assured her. 

Poem: Like the pendulum

The clock is ticking,
Time is rolling,
And I am thinking
Of my future
That is swinging
Like the pendulum
From the past to the present... 

Poem

Walk out of his life,
Let him know
You can make your own life...
Break his cage,
And show him
You can fly... 

Short Story: Funny concerned conversation

I was so engrossed with work that I even did not notice the time. It was 10.10pm and already I got the last call - the warning call, from my mom for dinner. And without delay, I joined the rest of the members. I had my dinner like every other night. After dinner, as usual I stood at the balcony, gazing at the Universe, sharing my thoughts; completely ignoring the world I was part of.
By 11.05pm I settled down on my bed. I reached out my hand for my cell. I went to the settings-mobile network - data.  I put the data in on mode. I received many notifications and messages. I scrolled through the notifications and then the messages.  There were three messages from him.
'Hello. Where are you? Not a single message from you.'
'Hello. You had your dinner.' I texted him back.
'What is this? I am literally angry on you.'
'Sorry.' I replied.
'Leave this crap. At least just drop about your whereabouts. It feels better. I know I don't have any authority to say, but still... '
'I am really sorry. I was completely lost in my work. Hell loads of work... And what authority are you talking about?' I added.
'Authority to know about you... Anyways, you had your dinner.'
'Yes, I had dinner.  Thank you for your concern. I am really glad that someone cares for me so much.' I replied honestly.
'No formality. We are not going to maintain formality for feelings matter from the core.'
'I am afraid of feelings. These are painful. ' I replied.
'Whose feelings... Yours or mine?' He asked.
'As of now, yours... ' I mocked.
'Make fun. You might be having funny moments.' He added.
'I respect your feelings. I won't make fun of it.'
He did not reply for a moment.
'👍.'
I felt bad then. So I thought of changing the topic.
'How was your day?'
'Good.' I received one word answer.
'Are you still angry?' I asked him.
'No. I am not. I don't get angry at small things. I told you earlier.' He texted soon.
'If I don't talk to you for one-two days, Will that be okay?' I played with his mind.
'It will be a big issue.. Might be.'
'But you only have mentioned it is a small issue. So if I don't talk also you won't say anything.'
'2-3 days is a long time. 2-3 hours is okay.' He added wisely.
'😂😂...'
'😈😈...'
And we giggled.

Poem

No past thoughts invade me,
The nights are peaceful,
It seems you are becoming a distant memory,
And I have learnt to make new memories...

Short Story

'You are always good with words. But I don't know why do you always hide your emotions behind your words.' He texted after reading her status.
'Writing is something I feel connected to myself, to my inner conflicts and to what I wish for in other dimensions if it exists.' She replied. 

Poem: I am a crashed flower

I am a crashed flower
Water me with love,
You will see me bloom... 

Poem

I am a disturbed soul,
Accept my arrogance and ignorance,
And guide me with patience
You will find me beautiful...

Short Story: Gents washroom

'Today, we are going to have lunch of your choice.' I pushed the menu towards my cousin, sitting next to me.
'Tandoori roti and chicken masala.' He ordered.
Food was served after 15 minutes. As I took the first bite, I patted my brother's back.
'Good choice, bro. '
I had great liking for green chillies. And believe me, it was mouth watering as I filled my mouth with roti, chicken, fresh onion and a bite of green chilli.  Within a few minutes, my plate was clean and my stomach was full with two tandoori rotis, chicken masala, four pieces of ringed onion and two green chillies. But my eyes complimented the food and my ears felt the hot flavour. I could not control and rush to the washroom. I pushed the door and I was lucky that the basin was just one hand away from there. I gargled my mouth and spit the water three to four times. As I came out,  I saw three to four gentlemen standing outside. I looked at them. 'What happen? Stop staring at me! ' My eyes spoke.
'Please turn back, '  a gentleman pointed with a similar back. He was trying to impress me few seconds back with his English accent and now he was giving me that too smart look.
I turned and looked towards the door.  'Gents Toilet.'
I stood there with my mouth wide open.
'Gosh! I used gents washroom basin.' I thought to myself.
'Excuse me, madam.  You are blocking my way,' the gentleman said with a wicked smile.
I stepped forward and kept walking towards the table, fighting my own thoughts.
'The tap has nothing to do with Gents toilet. It's water that you have used and stop over reacting,' my mind intelligently remarked.

Poem: I am an incomplete book.

I am an incomplete book
Each chapter will tell you
Of more failures than successes,
Each paragraph will narrate of more heartbreaks than love,
Each line will convey more weaknesses than strengths,
I am an incomplete book
I want you to read me patiently,
I want you to understand me slowly,
I want you to complete the book beautifully...

Short Story: Copyright

'You don't use Whatsapp.' He asked surprisingly.
'Too many groups, forwarded messages and too much bitching really piss me off. So, I have a personal number where I have only eight of my closest people.' I added with a thought.
'Eight. Isn't it quite a big number? You can go for a world record.' He giggled.
'Yes. I am thinking of making in the Guinness book.'
'Don't forget to give credit to me. The idea is mine, remember.' He said, suppressing his laughter.
'Yes. Don't worry, I won't take your copyright.' I replied back.
'You know what to take... ' He bit his tongue as the words slipped.
'What?' I asked innocently.
'If you want, you can take the copyright. I won't hesitate to give you.'
'I will not even ask you once I have the full copyrights.' I left the ball in his court.

I longed to see you

O beloved,
I longed to see you.
O beloved,
I longed to embrace you.
I longed to go on a ride,
Through the highways-
Into the valleys,
Where nature would garland our love,
O beloved,
I longed to hold you tight-
From the back,
I longed to close my eyes,
Resting my head on your back
As you rode me into the valleys...

Nano tale

Her eyes scrolled up and down.
'Please drape the Saree properly.' She remarked after examining her friend critically.
She took one and draped it to show her friend.
'Wow. You look great.' Her friend exclaimed.
'You look stunning. This colour suit you,' she heard a female voice praising her from behind.
She turned to face the mirror. But before she could check how she looked, her eyes caught a glimpse of him standing near an elderly woman who praised her few seconds back.
She dropped the Saree. And looking straight into his eyes, she said 'Some colours look good but never suits your taste. And this one is the same.'

Memories.

It was just another day. She was on her way to work. Suddenly, her driver brought her car to a halt. She was about to question, but her ears sensed the sound of a train approaching. She lowered the glass and as the train came closer, she began counting the number of compartment. One, two,  three...and her heart began throbbing louder as she counted twenty four. The same crossing and the same number of compartments made her nostalgic. Last time, it was also the same when she counted sitting on his bike. He looked at her in the rear view mirror and laughed.
A jerk, she felt. As her cab sped off, she smiled. He and his memories still visited her from nowhere. 

A letter from a daughter to her father.

                                                                                      

Dear Dad,

Hope you are relaxed now as the roof of tension has finally collapsed, giving space for fresh air. I am happy that now onwards you will have a good sleep. Life will be better now and you can enjoy the way you want for your worries are no more with you.

When the sun rays will fall in the window of your bedroom, you will welcome your day with open arms for worries will no longer bother you. You can have different conversations while sipping your morning tea at the dining table or in the balcony. Finally, you will have other topics to talk to.

You can go on a vacation around the world. Dad, I hope, you will go on a tour with mom. This time you won’t give any excuse. You can enjoy your vacation for you don’t need to think about your worries any more.

You no longer need to tell each of our nearest kin about your worry. You have finally got rid of your worry-your daughter. Congratulations dad for dropping me in the road that society chooses for every girl. Congratulations dad for abiding by the societal rules. Congratulations dad for fulfilling the duty of a girl’s father.

I was proud of you. When I was a child, I believed that whatever be, you would stand by me and my dreams. You would help me lead a life of my own. But as I grew older, either my thoughts changed or you. Last few years, I have seen your worried face.  With each passing day, your worry increased. I could not recall when you went on a vacation last. All I remember was your words to mom or others, “After her marriage, I will go on a vacation.”

Dad, I am sorry for being a girl. I always wished for your happiness, but I became your reason to worry.  I really felt ashamed of myself when you would request others to find a perfect match for me.

I still remember the day when you smiled and called all your friends and relatives. The news of my marriage gave you that happiness which my qualifications and job failed to do.  When you hugged me tight that day, tears rolled down my cheek. The thoughts that rang in my mind, then, I now penned it down here how I actually felt?

I look at your eyes

For the last time

With love, hope...

Tears drop down

And my tears

Questioned you

Why?

Why have you chosen the same fate?

Are these your ultimate dreams, you selected for me?

Where have your expectations gone?

Or, simply

You choose this fate

Because I’m a girl...

Dad, I sometimes, thought to myself, “Is it right to kill a new born baby girl?” And now I got my answer. Indeed, it is. What is the use of nurturing with love when her birth only brings a list of worries along? It is better to kill worries rather than giving unwanted welcome. It is better to crush the bud rather than stopping the flower to spread its fragrance.

Dad, you loved me and I would never question you on this. But I would like to know, “Am I unwanted furniture? Don’t I have the right to dream? Am I born to satisfy society?”

Dad, if my marriage is all you cared for. “Why do you inspire me to stand on my feet?” If I was a destined cripple, then why did you allow me to dream?

Dad, at sleepless nights, I always prayed to almighty that our family, sorry I don’t have the right to call it ‘our’ even, should be blessed with sons.

Thank you, dad, for everything. I had troubled you a lot. But I promise I won’t trouble you anymore. I would walk the path you have chosen for me. I promise I would not scream for your help if I ever fell down.

Love you forever.

I remain,

Your only daughter,

Ananya.

Days after You left.

I am strong; I keep reminding myself all the time. It is just a phase and I will evolve into a strong being who can withstand everything. I promise myself I will not cry but every night I end up crying and falling asleep. Next morning, I wake up with swollen eyes and the whole day I narrate an imaginative story to people. I have indeed become strong in hiding my emotions and winning the hearts of people around me through fake smile. The way I carry myself in public, I am certain no one has the slightest clue of the cyclone inside me. I am living two lives at one time. Whenever I am with others, I am happy and in cheerful mood. But whenever I am alone, I cry and flip the pages of my past. Loneliness stings me. I cry till I feel short of breathe. Finally, I realize I can’t recover from you so easily. You have become my habit, my behaviour and my character. I live with you in me.

You are gone forever. I have to learn to walk without you. I will fumble, I may even fall but I have to learn to give steps on my own. And I thought of some strategies that others around the world have done to recover from the disease called heart break.   

Strategy 1

I deleted your number from my mobile. I deleted all our conversations. I did not keep any evidence of your existence. I stopped using WhatsApp. Even, I started keeping my cell phone in silent mode.

Strategy 2

I stopped visiting the places that once I had been with you. Those places were my favourite once upon a time, now those stood in my blacklisted areas.

Strategy 3

I started pressurizing myself with extra work. I became so busy that I had no time to waste for your thought. I started bringing work back at home.

Strategy 4

I started reading books all the time. On my way to work, I read. At work, if I had free time, I read. Basically, I indulged myself with books. My table at work place had books everywhere and at home my table was over loaded. Even I kept a book with me in my bed.

Strategy 5

Meditation became an important part of my life. I started observing my thoughts. Meditating helped me relax for a while.

Strategy 6

I began noting down my thoughts. I used to write whenever you came in my thoughts. Every time, you knocked I put a cross in my diary.

After two weeks, I sat down to analyse my condition. My diary was full of crosses. My mobile did not have your number. But my mind remembered your number. Every night, I used to visit your profile and sleep only after my eyes became tired of crying or staring, I don’t know which I should consider first. Strategies worked or failed, I could not conclude till now. I am trying but I fail every second. I see you while I meditate and I become more restless. I save your number daily and then delete it many times. I watch many motivational videos. It helps me but again I fall prey in the hands of darkness, when lights are switched off, when I lay still in my bed. I can’t help but remember you.

I have tried other measures as well. Every time, you peep in, I remind myself, ‘He does not love you. He will forget you in no time. He will marry someone within a year. Your presence or absence does not affect him. He never cared for you. You are not worthy of his love.’ But even these words fail to move me.

I know the reality, I accept the reality but I cannot give deaf ears to my feelings and emotions. A person’s rejection or acceptance has nothing to do with my feelings. I am proud of my emotions. I proudly accept my love for you.  I will hope for a miracle till destiny takes me on another ride. I will keep praying to gods and the universe for you.  I will wait for your arrival until you take another flight.

  

  

Poem

I boarded the train,
I knew not the station-
Where I was supposed to go?
And I questioned every Co passenger
They listened to me.
Some suggested the names of stations,
Some ignored,
Some laughed at my condition,
Some scrutinized me,
Some tagged me new names,
Some promised to be with me.
But,
All left.
None stayed till I reached my destination.
I am still on that train,
Trying to find my station...

Mind Game

Every night, I wait for him to come online. Sometimes, my wait is shorter while sometimes it is longer than a day. I am restless. And each time my cell beeps, I check if it is his message. Sometimes, my cell disappoints me. But most of the time my cell drops a smile. And I am lucky that Mr. Corporate pings me once he is online.

One night, he started testing my intelligence. And the questions were tricky. I answered, but I am sure I scored below average. Being a Scorpion, I can’t let go things easily. So, after a few days, I decided to play his game with him.

“Suppose I am a book, then which chapter will you prefer to read or will you just keep it aside?” I asked.

“Okay, interesting. I think I would start with your present first, then go to your past and then see, think and read your future.”

“Well said,” I appreciated him.

But another question knocked in my mind. So, I shoot my next question.

“If the future is not written, what will you do?”

“Yes, it may not be written. So, maybe I will ask how you see yourself...” he replied.

I wanted to initiate the conversation further. So, I threw my next ball.

“See, the book is there and either you read or you keep it aside. But you are not allowed to ask questions.”

“Hmm. I got the trick. See, if I want to read your future, then I have to be with you. Simple,” he replied.

“Impressive. You answered it nicely,” I replied.

“Okay. I am great. I am a philosopher. Ha-ha...” he giggled.

“Well, now I give you a chance to write a chapter in that book. What will you write?” I asked.

“Damn. Why will you give me a chance? Have you become nuts? Let me remind you, I am not a writer.”

“Well, you don’t need to be a writer,” I texted.

“I don’t know. I can’t frame anything right now.”

“It seems you will keep the chapter blank.” I played with his mind, leaving him more confused.

“Yes for time being, I will. May be, I will try and write something later.”

I got another point to take the conversation further.

“You may not get the chance to write later...”

“Quite possible,” he replied after a minute.

“The book is not worth reading, it seems...”I texted.

“Did I say that? I feel, maybe you can fill it for me; if I could not...”

I read his message twice and a smile landed on my lips.

“Well the idea is not bad...” I replied.

A Conversation

"I don't chat with everyone," she texted me for the fourth time in last three months.
I hate this line of hers. It seems she does me a big favor by simply exchanging messages.
Self obsessed, pathetic, snobbish, egocentric, haughty and all other synonyms that exist in the dictionary suits her, I thought to myself.
I don't force her to chat with me. It's up-to her whether she wants to text me or reply back.
"Gosh!  Girls are really difficult creatures to understand," I sighed.
"Hello... Am I talking to myself?" another message flashed interrupting me in my research work.
"Sorry.  I am here," I replied.
"But it seems you have lost somewhere, " she texted instantly.
Girls really have got some power to know things beforehand, even before you comprehend.
Before she can read more of what I am thinking right now, I thought of playing my game.
"What do you think I am a good boy or a bad boy?"
A message flashed. I never thought of getting the reply in a blink.
"What type of question is this?" she asked me.
"A simple question," I replied.
"Everyone has good as well as bad qualities. I accept people as they are..."
"Hmm. Convincing..." I replied with a smiley.
"I don't judge people on others opinion. I see everyone as a unique individual." she added further.
"What have you heard of me from others?" I asked her.
"Why are you hitting me with questions? And you know, your questions confuse me. Moreover, have I asked you any question?"
"Co'mon, it's not confusing. And you can ask me anything. I am open..." I texted back.
"Okay, whenever I want to read your chapter I will open..."
Good way to put it, I smiled.
I want to initiate the conversation further so I texted her again.
"How will you open my chapter?"
"Well, you will be at the other end. I will flip the pages of the book and wherever I stop, I will ask you to read..." she added intelligently.
"My pages are empty."
"No, of course not. If it is empty, it will be filled," she replied.
'How?" I asked.
"Well, we can fill it... "
"You don't know me. I may be fucking crazy. Like mad..." I tried to be honest or rather I was reading her, I wasn't sure.
"Yes. Then your chapter will read your craziness. Your madness..." she replied.
"Who wants a crazy person? All people want is 'all good' type," I tried to confuse her.
"I consider myself as the most craziest person. And it's all your perception. Moreover, I don't like ready-made food rather I love to prepare it," she replied with a beautiful illustration.
"I love home-made food," I replied instantly.
"I don't chat with everyone. And you are interesting so I always love to take the conversation further, " she replied.
 Finally she made me fall in love with her line. And I smiled.