Poem: Why do I write?

I write,
To let my pain flow sometimes
As words,
To express what I fail-
To say,
I write,
To rejoice my victory sometimes,
To remind me of my failure at times,
I write,
To make my love immortal
For someone my heart beats,
I write,
To leave memories after me,
To let you search me in my writings...

Debt paid by an Alzheimer's patient daughter

After a long, tiresome week, I chose to watch a South Korean movie, 'A Moment to Remember,' suggested by one of my friends.
I wanted to relax, but the movie left me restless. It reminded me of  someone my mom told me, years back.
I remembered clearly that particular visit to my  maternal place when I met Ridhima Mashi; young, beautiful and an energetic teacher. Like every curious girl, I asked my mom, 'Is she married?'
My mom did not give me a direct answer.
'I will tell you later.'
I forgot and she too never told. The years rolled by.  And I almost forgot about her until we met her again on my last visit.
She was now a principal of a government school. Nothing had changed much except her hair. She still stood tall in her beauty and personality. I observed her minutely. She did not carry any sign of a married woman. But then I thought, why did my mother not say no directly?
So, now as a grown up lady, I asked mom again. This time she narrated me the story.
Ridhima was the youngest daughter of her parents. After her birth, her mother had an unusual disease. Ridhima's mother was diagnosed with eclampsia and then after a few years with Alzheimer. Ridhima's mother never knew she was her daughter. As her abnormalities increased, Ridhima's mother kept aloof from others in a separate room.
Ridhima never got her mother's love and care. Her family too tagged her as a cursed child. With time, Ridhima grew up as a beautiful lady. Her eldest brother became a doctor. Her elder sister got married early even before she could complete her graduation.
Ridhima completed her graduation in chemistry. Soon after her graduation, her marriage got fixed to a football player of a famous football club of West Bengal.
She got married to that footballer. As per rituals, she came with her husband to take the blessings.
During their stay, Her husband observed her mother. And from one of her relatives, he came to know about Ridhima's mother's conditions.
Once they returned back, Ridhima's husband told about his mother-in-law's mental state to his family. They only knew that she was not well. But now he knew everything. The guy's sister-in-law told him that Ridhima  too might develop this after her pregnancy. And it left him disturbed.
Ridhima was witnessing all these discussions. But she chose to remain silent. Their honeymoon was already planned. And as scheduled, they were about to leave for Shimla. They reached the station before time. Her husband told her that he would bring some eatables and would be back soon. 
She waited for him. The train came and left. But he did not turn up.  That whole evening, she sat in the station waiting for him.
She knew he would never come back. So, she returned back to her home.
Ridhima then did some professional courses and joined a school after three years of that incident. She did not remarry. Her brother along with his wife and two daughters left Ridhima and his ailing mother, and settled in Delhi. Ridhima took care of her mother and she continued working in that school. Her mother passed away at the age of 77.
Now, Ridhima lived alone in the house with the memories of her mother who never gave her the recognition as a daughter.
Readers, this is the story of my mother's friend. I know some diseases are incurable. And so was in the case of Ridhima's mother. But what was the fault of Ridhima? Don't you think she was punished for being an Alzheimer's patient daughter?

Short Story: The Gambler

'Need to tell you something. Please call me, once you are free.' I received a message from Payal.
'I am in the middle of an assignment. I will call you once I am free.' I texted.
'Okay.' I received an instant reply.
I got busy with my work and almost forgot about this. But while I was having my dinner, Payal's message crossed my mind. I finished my dinner and then quickly finished the kitchen stuff.
I rang up Payal. She received my call in just one ring. It seemed she had been waiting for my call.
'Hello, Arpita.'
'Hello.' I replied back.
'My friend wants to talk to you.  She needs some advice or rather a counselling session. Will you have time to meet us for an hour this weekend?'
I could never say no to Payal. So, I promised to meet them at Cafe Bistro.
I found them there when I reached. They were having coffee. I felt as if meeting me in time that was what mattered to them.
Payal got up and gave me a hug. She then introduced me to her friend, Mousami Roy.
I shook my hand with her and settled down on a chair opposite to her.
'What do you want to have?' Payal asked as she pushed the menu towards me.
'Caffe latte.'
I waited for my coffee. But till then, there was a silence. Only we exchanged smiles.
I took few sips of the hot coffee. And I thought of initiating the conversation.
'So... Mousami, how can I help you?'
'I am in a dilemma. I don't know what to do.
I heard about you from Payal. And so I thought of meeting you.'
'I am not a professional counsellor. My advice and suggestions sometimes work for my friends. I can't say how far I will be helpful. Tell me, why are you confused? What is troubling you?'
Mousami then narrated me her story. Two years back, her next lane neighbour brought the proposal of their only son for her. The boy,
Rupam Sarkar, was also known to them all. She had seen him many a times in her growing years. Rupam completed his graduation in Guwahati and then went to Kolkata. He got a job in a reputed bank and was settled there. He visited his parents during festivals. Mousami's parents were happy to get a proposal from a family in the neighbourhood. Moreover, their younger daughter would not be too far from them, unlike their elder one. Mousami's elder sister, Reesha, was settled in Cochin. Reesha was happily married to a guy from West Bengal and was a proud mother of a one year old boy.
Mousami's mother discussed about the proposal with Reesha over phone. They were happy and decided to take the proposal further if Mousami gave her consent. Mousami asked some time to know the guy. Both the families agreed.
She began talking to Rupam over the phone. After two months, they met. It was a fairy tale for her. Rupam appeared to her like the Prince of the many stories she had heard of. Rupam was a very decent, loving and caring person. Within a year's time, he bonded very well, even with her sister and her brother-in-law. She felt lucky. She could share with him everything without the fear of being judged. He wanted to give her all the happiness on earth. So, he thought of starting a small venture. He told her that he was working overtime to make his business grow.  She felt happy that she had a hard working life partner.
Months passed. Her relationship with Rupam became strong and her love for him increased with passing day. And finally their marriage got fixed. It was scheduled on 20th July, 2018.
She was busy making plans for her future life. Everything was going as planned. A month before her marriage, Rupam told her that his shares were in great loss. He was in need of financial help. He even added he could not ask from his parents as they had been arranging stuff for marriage.
Mousami was a front office executive in a car showroom. And she had used her small savings in the marriage arrangements. So, she told Rupam that she could only help him with Rs 10,000. Rupam wanted around Rs 50,000. And with Mousami's help also he would not be able to compensate his loss. Rupam then sought help from Reesha's husband who readily agreed. Things got sorted out and every arrangement of her marriage was done without any hurdle. On 19th July, 2018 her mother got to know about all this. She did not like Rupam's act. She did not get a good feeling. She even asked Mousami if she wanted to give a second thought for Rupam. Mousami assured her mother that everything would be alright. It was her concern for Mousami that resulted in such thoughts. And on 20th July, Mousami and Rupam got married in a grand way.
After all rituals, Rupam left for Kolkata and Mousami continued her job in Guwahati. She stayed with her in-laws. She would visit her parents twice a week and sometimes even stayed with them.
After about a month, Mousami's father was diagnosed with cancer. So, her parents left for Chennai in the middle of September.
Mousami was going through emotional crisis. Rupam came to Guwahati for some personal work. Rupam at that time insisted her to open a locker and keep her jewelry there. She agreed and did the same. Mousami expressed her desire to be with her parents during Pooja vacation as her father would be going through chemotherapy. He agreed.  He told that he too would join. Mousami was happy and felt proud of his gestures.
In the end of September, Mousami asked Rupam to do her travelling arrangements. He told her that he was in short, of fund. So, she transferred Rs 17,000 in Rupam's account.
After two days, she asked him whether he had arranged the flight tickets. He told her that he had. She was about to board flight on 15/10/2018 from Guwahati.
On 12th of October, she asked Rupam to mail her the tickets. And that day, he told her that he needed the money urgently and had used for his work.
She was shocked. She did not ask for any clarification. One of her colleagues made the arrangement, and she left for Chennai in the scheduled day. She was received by her father at the airport. She felt helpless when she hugged her dad, her real hero who cared for her even during his illness.
Rupam joined her in Chennai on 21st October. And once she returned to the lodge after a tiresome day at the hospital, he became desperate to have sex.
She was silent. She did not speak a word. Next morning, when Rupam was trying to become cosy with her, she pushed him. She asked him what he did with her 17000 rupees. He casually told her that he lost that money by chance in gambling. She got the shock of her life.
After two days, Rupam left for Kolkata and she resumed her work in Guwahati. There were many things going on her mind. She had to find answers. After a few days, she went to the bank and checked her locker. To her surprise, it was empty. She asked Rupam about this. He told her very casually that he sold them off.
She left her in-laws house and came back to her house because her mother in law did not want to hear a single word against her son.
She was helpless. She called Reesha and told her everything. Reesha asked her not to worry since she would look into the matter.
Reesha and her husband called him and asked him to return their money urgently. He said he would give them in two days. But after that, he stopped receiving their calls. Reesha's husband tried to find Rupam's details. He was shocked to know the details.
Rupam was an ex employer of the bank. Due to his irresponsible ways, he was terminated from the job. He had lost a huge amount of money in gambling.
Everyone in Mousami's family was in great shock after knowing about Rupam. His parents did not accept the fact that their son was a fraud. They indirectly put the blame on Mousami. They believed that Mousami brought misfortune for Rupam.
She left her in-laws house and came back to her parents place. Her parents had not returned from Chennai.
She began sobbing loudly. I put my hand on hers.
'Have you filed a case against him?' I asked.
'No.'
'What do you want to do? How can you live your life like this? Don't you deserve a better life?'
'I do deserve a better life. I have known him for more than two years. I have made moments with him. Now, suddenly I am asked to leave him. I am advised by all to file divorce case.  But no one can understand what I am going through. Tell me, is divorce the only solution. Will my life be same after divorce? Will I be allowed to live a life without being tagged as divorcee? Don't you think life is a big gambler than my husband?'
I was speechless. Truly, do I have answers to her questions?

Short Story: Black and Wealthy Lottery

Sutapa Bhattacharjee
Scale 1 Officer
Salary: 70,000
Status: Married
Education Details: M.Sc, Statistics.
I filled up my particulars very proudly for an internal examination. I knew I would crack the examination. All throughout my student life and career I had always made to the top ten lists.  Success had never betrayed me. I proved myself capable at every step, but still I could not figure out why I fumbled in my personal front after marriage. A free bird got caged, I thought. Was my marriage a cage? Or, was I a part of social stigma?
I sat in my office half heartedly. I could not concentrate on my work. I skipped meetings and returned to my home early.
My son, Ankur had already returned from the school. He was doing his homework when I entered. My daughter was playing with my mom. My father was taking a rest after lunch and my mother was there in the drawing room with my kids. She was having her granny time.  She was supervising Ankur's homeworks and at the same time taking care of Ananya. I had employed a lady who looked after my daughter's needs. My mother just gave her instructions how to do.
I smiled at them and walked to my room. I kept the official stuff on the couch and headed towards the bathroom.
I took a cold shower for 5 minutes. I put on the bath towel and walked barefoot to my room. As I stood in front of the mirror, I saw myself. Tears rolled down. And once again, I took the train 5 years back.
April 28, 2013, I got married to Arindam Banerjee.  Arindam worked in an MNC as a sales executive. He was a B. Com graduate.
His family accepted our proposal sent in Bharat matrimony. After a few initial discussions, we met. He was a good guy and his family seemed to be simple. He was the only son. He stayed with his parents in Kolkata. As I was working with a state government organisation, he would try to shift to my place, Guwahati. Arindam was tall, thin and white complexioned guy. I never thought he would say yes to me. But he did. Neither did he match up with my expectations, but still I too said yes. I only knew how many times I was rejected. So, finally I, a dark complexioned healthy girl, fortunately married a handsome guy.
After marriage, I found Arindam to be supportive, caring and good husband. He was unable to shift to Guwahati but he visits me twice every month. Sometimes, he would come every weekend. I too visited him and spent my holidays at his home, Kolkata. Life had been the way I dreamt, supportive husband and good in laws.  Whenever I went to Kolkata, we spent most of the time indoors. He did not like to visit his relatives or his friends. I found him introvert.  But he was always good to me.
One year passed. On 4th May, 2014, his cousin sister's marriage was fixed at Silchar. I was excited to attend the wedding. She was close to me. I was planning to attend when Arindam told he would be on an official tour and would attend on the way. He added further that it would be difficult for him to take me along. I tried to make him understand, but despite of this, he did not take me along. I was hurt, but I ignored.
4th June, 2015, we were blessed with a baby son. They named him Ankur as my husband's name to have A as the first initial. Everything was beautiful in my life except social in acceptance. I never had the opportunity to meet his friends and go out for a get together.
Two years later, I was again blessed with a baby girl. She made my life complete. As expected, she too was named by the first initial of her dad.
I had two lovely kids,  Good husband, in laws and everything. Yet, I was not accepted completely. Sometimes,  I felt I was a good deal for Arindam. I had government Service and his job and career got a mortgage. As time rolled by, this feeling was becoming more firm. I always wondered how could a guy like Arindam accept to marry me?  I was rejected 30 times by different guys. They never stated the reason. They only said we would contact later,  after they would meet me face to face. But their calls never came and my parents wait never ended. So, when Arindam said yes,  we were happy. I was happy that someone gave value to my qualifications, my job and for what a person I was and not to outer beauty. I kept Arindam in high regards. But with time, I was seeing another face of him, the reality.
I was lost. My daughter's cry brought me back to my present world. I quickly put on my trouser and tee and rushed downstairs.
I took her from my mother's lap. My son rushed to me.
'Mom, see this is a lottery ticket. Grandpa gave me. He said that we would win if luck favor us.'
I nodded with a smile.
And then I thought, 'Am I not a wealthy lottery ticket for Arindam?'

Short Story: I am still a Virgin

Happy Anniversary. Stay blessed. Warmest wishes. Anniversary Cheers...

I went on clicking the like button. 239 messages, I received on my first anniversary. It was 11.30pm. My husband had dozed off already. I was there, still awake and reading the messages. It was my first anniversary for my friends, relatives and all who did not miss to leave a message for me. But for me, it was like another usual day. I woke up, did all household chores under the supervision of my mother in law, had lunch, served snacks and tea in the evening, had dinner. The day ended. My husband as usual tired, slept even before I made to the bedroom. He did not even bother to wish me. I doubted even if he remembered.
I slipped out of the bedroom and sat in the balcony. Unable to cope with the emotional turmoil, I rang Sarah. Sarah was my roommate. She was younger to me. I met her during my post graduation days. She was pursuing MBBS at that time. And now she was doing her post graduation in Surgery. She was the only person with whom I could speak my heart out. She received my call in just one ring.
'Hello Vansikha Di.'
I could not even manage to say hello. I started sobbing in suppressing voice.  She did not say anything. She just listened. She knew I would never listen to her advice. So, she just let me be on my own. After sometime, I could hear some sounds inside. I disconnected the call and peeped inside. My husband had woken up and he had put the lights on.
I walked back to the bedroom.
'With whom are you talking to?' He questioned.
I threw my cell in the bed.
'Check it.'
He kept silent.
'Do you know, what day is today? Let me, excuse myself, you don't even care to know. Last one year, you cared for nothing. My dreams, my desires, my needs and even I do not matter to you at all.  You give deaf ears to my feelings. I can't even say, I am married. I am the only woman who is still virgin even after marriage. I am an all time free maid.' I shouted at him. I wanted to tell many things, but couldn't frame sentences. Tears were unstoppable.
'What do you mean by desires? It seems you are crazy for sex.' He added.
'Yes, I am. Tell me, Who on earth won't be? We are married for one year and have known each other for 2 years. I have my desires and you are least interested in having sex. Whenever I come close, you avoid giving excuses that you are tired after taking classes at the University. Tell me, are you the only professor at the University? Or, the professors are exempted from having sex with their wives. One more thing, tell me, why do people go for honeymoon? There too, you were tired after sightseeing. In the last one year, you have been tired but your medical report says you are perfect;  no heart disease.
And you know I think my scariest nightmare is true. You are impotent.' I said directly on his face.
He chose not to answer. Turned off the light and slept.
I slipped on the floor and cried. He was heartless and had destroyed my life. I was a bright student and I had a great career. Had I not married, I would have been doing research at the University of Georgia.
I wished I could rewind my life. I wished I had not chosen to meet him at a common friend's request. I wished I had listened to my father who did not like him, but only accepted the proposal because of me. I wished I had not been brought up in a society where sex before marriage was a crime. I wished I had taken the relationship to a next level. I wished I was not mesmerized by his gifts and dinner dates. I wished I could tell my parents as I confronted him today. I couldn't. I couldn't. How could I tell my parents that my husband is impotent? Only Sarah knew. She wanted to talk on my behalf to my parents. But I stopped her. My mother would not be able to bear this. She already had heart disease.
I could not think of any way out. Neither I could tell my parents not I could call off my marriage. Sorry, I am married for the society. But in the eyes of law and medical science, I am single and a virgin. 

Short Story: Get Together

I was sitting at the Corner Cafe, the same place where I partied last. As usual, I made to the place in time. I looked around me. Things had changed in the last four years. Not only the interior of the Cafe and the menu that was kept on the glass table, but I too had changed. In the last four years, I became unsocial; no Facebook updates. I remembered I changed my relationship status  four years back from single to married and my casual profile picture to a bridal one. After that, I was tagged by some of my in-laws in their group pictures which I would intentionally Untag myself. My husband never clicked our picture and if by chance someone did, he never uploaded one. Life had been more like a routine that I had to follow. I never lived a single day in the last four years with happiness, love and gratitude. I lived because I had to. The chirpy, the funniest human being in me died that day when my parents fixed my marriage with Aakash. I wanted to marry highly qualified person who could match up with my own. Like every girl, I had a certain obsession about my life partner. Aakash did not suit in any of my criteria. But my parents selected Aakash, an accountant, in a reputed public sector organisation. I was a PhD holder in Physics whereas Aakash was just Masters in Commerce. My dream to purse further studies got crushed with my marriage. My parents never understood my desire and I choose not to share with Aakash. I did not even tried for a job and just to keep myself away from depression I took some classes in a reputed coaching center. And with the amount that I received from the Coaching Institute, I took care of my own expenditure. I never used Aakash's credit card though he gave me one after our marriage.
I felt someone shaking my chair vigorously. I turned.
Stacy and Violina were there. I stood up and hugged them.
'Mehak, you haven't changed. You still look sexy and stunning.' Violina complimented.
I blushed. I heard a compliment after a long time.
'Aakash has magic in his hands.' Stacy remarked.
I smiled. I had less interest to talk about Aakash.
'Violina, Congratulations. How is your baby girl?' I quickly asked, shifting their attention from Aakash.
'Both my husband and daughter are the same. They want me to be around them always.'
'Poor you.' Stacy quickly remarked.
'Huh! Disgusting.' Violina nodded.
Violina married her long time Beau Suraj. He was a peculiar person, at least for me. He did not like Violina socialising with her friends. He wanted all the attention. Violina's life revolved only around him. She was married for three years and recently she gave birth to a baby girl who was just two months old. After her marriage, three of us met today. Every time we planned something, she would cancel at the last moment. And then we stopped calling her to get togethers. This time it was her plan. She dropped her baby at her mother's place and came to meet us without her husband's notice. I felt lucky in this matter for Aakash never said no. I remembered how he hosted my friends very warmly after our marriage. Aakash cooked different dishes and Stacy and Violina were jealous of me. They felt I had the best husband in the world. Stacy would sometimes surprisingly drop in at my place and Aakash would excuse himself, giving us privacy.  He would make sure that I had a good time with my best friend. But Violina's husband never liked her friends dropping in without prior notice.
There was a complete silence. Violina was going through the menu. And Stacy was checking her mails.
'Why have we met? Can't we keep our worries away, at least for some time?' I finally broke the silence.
Both nodded. We ordered our all time favorite sizzlers, baked fish and strawberry mojito.
I asked Stacy about her job. She was a data scientist, and was working with one of the famous MNCs.  She had been to Paris recently and narrated us about her trip.
'When are you thinking of settling down?' I asked.
'Find me someone like Aakash, I will.' She mocked. She always kept Aakash in high regards. After her breakup, she stopped trusting guys. Her 12 year relationship ended in a bad note and after that she became career oriented and had decided never to get married. 
We ate our lunch, listening to all the adventures Stacy had in Paris. But in my mind, I was thinking about Aakash. I always thought I was not happy after marrying Aakash but I could not find a single reason to blame Aakash. Unlike Violina's husband, Aakash always asked for my approval before sex. He never forced himself onto me. I remembered after two years of our marriage, our parents wanted us to have a child. I told Aakash I need some time to think. He respected my opinion. He never argued with me.
After lunch, we bade each other with a promise that we would soon catch up again.
I walked lazily in the street. I was lost within myself since I failed to value the most precious gift of my life. That moment, I realised my mistake. And I thanked my friends for that. Had we not planned to meet after four years, I would have never realized that how my life was happy and content only because of Aakash. The four years of my marriage flashed in the mirror of my thoughts. I turned page after pages, but failed to find any incident when Aakash misbehaved with me. He was supportive, understanding, caring and someone who never forced his decisions upon me. In the last four years, Aakash never made me feel that I was no longer at my parents place. He had taken care of each small thing; likes, dislikes, what turns me on, what turns me off and so on.  In fact,  I understood now that he was perfect.
I took out my cell and dialed Aakash's number.
'I love you, Aakash. You have been the best chapter of my life.' I said even before Aakash could utter a word.
'Who are you?' an unknown voice asked.
'I am Aakash Sarma's wife. Who are you?'
'Please come to Apollo Hospital. Your husband met with an accident.'
I could not believe what I heard just now. I booked a cab and rushed to the hospital.
I went to the enquiry office. There I met the man who admitted my husband to the hospital. He told me that Aakash was hit by a water tanker. He handed me the wallet, mobile and a bouquet. He told me that my husband had injuries in his head.
I could not keep myself strong. Tears dropped and I collapsed.
I did not know how long after I gained consciousness. I was in an unknown cabin. I saw my husband's belongings there. A bouquet of white orchids too was there. I saw a greeting card there. A Note was there.
O beloved,
I want to get drenched
In the rain
Of your love...
Hold me
Closer,
Let me feel you,
Let our breathe together -
 Create symphony,
And for a moment,
Let the world stop,
As our lips meet
And let me be yours
Forever...
Happy Anniversary dear!
I hugged the bouquet and tears burst out. I never wished him and he never forgot our anniversary...