Poem: It's Winter

It's winter
I feel now,
As I lay down still
Inside the blanket,
My fingers shiver with cold,
My eyes are swollen-
Waiting for the sun rays
To knock on my window...

It's winter,
I feel,
The birds no longer sing,
The flowers no longer bloom,
And I sit disheartened
In my balcony...

It's winter,
I feel,
No more the phone rings,
No more giggling,
No more laughter,
Life has stopped by
As the year meets its end
'It's December,' the calender says.
And the journey of this year -
approaches it's ends...

Poem : Beauty of the night

O beloved,
Do you remember?
that night a year ago,
When you told me
How the cold breeze passed by you?
How you missed me-
That moment?
As you walked alone in that path...
O beloved
Will you walk that path again?
And I secretly wish
Let the beauty of the night-
Make you fall in love once again...

Poem: Love has withered away.

I feel arrogance
In your words,
I am hurt,
And hardly you care...
It seems
Seasons have changed
No longer it's April,
Neither it's monsoon,
Love has withered away
Leaves are falling,
I wonder,
Is it winter?
As we drift away
Towards an unknown harbour,
I wonder, 'Is this how we sow the seed-
Of our relationship?'

Conversation: He and She

'Good morning.' He wished her.
'What is good about this morning? I didn't have good sleep yesterday night.' She replied still yawning.
'You have a day off. You can sleep the entire day.' He suggested.
'My sleep is not like your sleep. Whenever you want, you can have. My sleep is sophisticated and arrogant at the same time.' She added.
'Gosh!  First you, and now your sleep, both, I have to bear.' He giggled.
And she busted out laughing.

Poem : Acceptance

One fine evening, 

With gloomy face and reddened eyes,
I sat disheartened
In one abandoned bench
Of a park nearby,
I met a stranger
From a strange land,
He sat beside me
On that bench
Under the shady tree
Telling me stories
Of his people and land.
He went on and on
And I listened
With full attention,
Hardly my eyes blinked
With my mouth wide open,
I was lost in his world...
I lost track of time
And I came into my world
When he asked me,
'Tell me dear,
Do you like my world?'
'I wish I were a part of your world -
where my imperfections
 are never pointed out
and I am accepted
 for who I am.'
I replied and walked away.

Listen

Hello,
Listen to me
I am the wind
That whispers in your ears
'Spread your arms.'
Feel me.
But
You are lost-
In the virtual world
Ignoring my embrace.
Hello,
Hear my voice
I am the cuckoo,
My voice is melodious.
But you never listen
You love that digital song
Hello,
Come and see me,
I wait for you
To flatter me
I am beautiful
Look once,
I am the spring.

Workaholic Lover

'I am running out of time to work on myself nowadays.'
'Yes. You are very dedicated to your work. It seems you have married your work.' I sarcastically added.
'I love working.' He laughingly answered.
'I know.'
'But now I feel like working on myself. Working on inner quality and getting the sweetness of it is a great thing.' He thoughtfully replied.
'We are here to polish our talents.' I said sounding intelligent.
'Nothing will stay, but if you work on your inner quality and feel it that will help you and stay with you throughout your life.'
'True.' I replied.
'Good. I hope you understand.' He replied.
'I understood.'
'You will take time to understand. Will talk if you want on Monday.'
'Monday.. ' I asked.
'Sorry. I mean when we meet in the future. Actually the official message popped up.'  He justified.
'See. I was correct. Happily married to your work.' I added.

Midnight Letter

Dear Beloved,
It is midnight and raining outside. I am still awake. I wish you were there and I could talk to you. Even your presence would have mattered. Though you are miles away, yet I can reach you by just a call or a text. But tonight you ended your day early. Had you not been tired, I would have talked to you for a while?  But I completely understand your situation.
Sometimes, things get perplexed personal or professional. And the need of talking to someone increases. And tonight, the urge to talk with you has increased. I just want to talk about things that are troubling me. I want to talk on the insecurities I feel. I want to talk of things that I fear. I want to talk of my mistakes, of my unfulfilled dreams. I want to pour out everything like the raindrops sputtering on the rooftop.
Yours ever,
Angry Bird.

Poem: A Ray of Hope

Let light rays fall
Into the darkest chamber,
That holds deepest secrets
Of betrayal
Of pain
Of love...
Let there be peace within
Let hope make shelter once again
Let light rays fall
Let the wounds be healed
Let a new journey
Of love
Of accomplishment
Of acceptance
begin...

Scars

Some scars are deep
Nothing can cure them
They exist within you
And you live with those
Throughout your life
Searching for ailments...

Poem: Longings

On a full moon night,
I look outside
The window of my room,
The beauty of the night sky
Reminds me of you
And my thoughts run wild,
Longings have poured feelings
In the air,
And the desire to be in your arms
Have become intense,
And how badly I wish
You were near
O dear...

Poem: Life to my thoughts

My pen knew my wishes,
My pen bled pain,
My pen retreated
When words failed,
But now,
My pen rewrites my wishes,
For you give life
To my thoughts...

Educate the Educated Parents

'Please stand up for the National Anthem.' The line flashed on the screen.
Everyone stood up, including me and my friend. The Anthem began.
'Waah beta, kitna sundar ga rahe Ho. Ga te raho, mein recording karta hoon,' a man standing in the next row praised his son.
After a few seconds, another family talking and searching their seats entered the cinema hall. They hardly cared that Our National Anthem was going on.
The Anthem finished. We all settled in our respective seats to watch Badhai Ho.
The movie began.Me and my friend got lost in the movie. Suddenly, someone from behind was pushing my seat. I thought someone might have passed and it was by mistake. I ignored and continued to watch the movie. But now it became rapid as if someone was kicking. I turned my neck and saw a child, the same child whose song was recorded by the parents. I could not control my patience any longer.
'Please be seated properly.' I said in a firm tone.
'Beta, aap idhar aa jao.' The mother asked the child to change his seat.
The parents could have asked the child to apologise or even they could have said something. But to my utter surprise, they did not.
Few days back,  on 22nd December, pre Christmas celebration was organized at our institute. Our school was decorated very beautifully. Just after the entrance to the main premises, near our school church, a small castle was made. The castle was decorated with Christmas trees, snow balls, Santa Claus, lights,  gifts etc.
After the Christmas celebration got over, we came back to the staff room. We were not even settled properly when one of my colleagues noticed from the staff room window that few parents were helping their wards to take out cotton snowballs, leaf from a decorated Christmas tree etc. She screamed at the top of her voice to stop doing that. But it had no effect. So, a few of our male teachers rushed to the spot and took control of the situation.
After some time, when we all teachers were discussing about pre Christmas celebration, each one of us were stressing on one point, 'Can we really make responsible and well behaved citizen?' The answer we did not admit directly. But somewhere we all knew it was impossible.
Dear readers and parents, do you think only an educational institution and teachers can shape the personality of children? Do you not accept the fact that a child spends more time at home than at school? Can you disagree with me that a child imitates what he/she sees it observes at home? If so, don't you think first the educated parents need to be educated?

Sleeping Soul

I have walked through the graveyard
Lost in the unseen world
No hiss, no cry
Only the leaves that are dry
Sputter sound as they crash beneath
Under the feet of an unwanted stranger,
And I wonder
Have I disturbed the sleeping souls?
Or,
Have I surprised the sleeping souls?

An understanding letter from a mother to her son.

Dear Ryan,
I hope you are happy now. You can have your evening coffee in peace. You no longer need to resolve any issues. Your coming days will be better.
I wish I had taken the decision long back. I thought, being with you till my last breath, was my responsibility. I thought you would need me in the journey of life. In fact, as I write this, I feel,  actually I have not grown up. I am brought up in the generation where parents are believed to be the guide. But in this digital era, guidance too is available at the tip of one's finger. I don't know, but I had a feeling that you need me until now, when I write this.
Do you remember the days when you were sick? Let me remind you, in case, you had forgotten. You used to hug me tight and request me to run my fingers through your hair. You would ask me to prepare your favorite dishes. But now, you go for a relaxation session in the parlour and order your favorite food through different online apps. I understand, dear son, that now love and care can be ordered too.
Do you remember your favourite cake that I used to bake in your birthdays? I know it no longer suits your taste buds as dark forest and even the names I don't know, have outnumbered your mother's homebaked cakes.
Do you remember the vacations that your dad, you and I went to? We all used to go once together. But now I feel sorry when you fail to take your wife and your daughter for a vacation because of me. You neither want to include me, nor exclude me. And you end up sending your wife and daughter with your in-laws.
I now understood why your father insisted to live in a separate flat. He had foreseen things. He wanted me to understand that as our child grows up, we need to give them, their personal space. I wished I had not argued with him. Gone are the days, when everyone wants to live under the same roof. Privacy and separation are the call of today's living.
I think,  I always wanted a comfort zone. So, I never thought of anything except you. But now, I have known things better in the last two years, after your father's death. And as I write this, I tell you, dear son, that from this moment I take the charge of my own life. I have thought of looking after your father's boutique. I have even booked a flat nearby. Today, I will be shifting there. I will visit you and your family at weekends. You and your family is also welcomed at my place. I wish you understood me and respect my decision.
I remain,
Yours loving mother.

Poem

Never do I want anything from you,
Neither I wish to be your priority,
I just want you
To be the same,
As you were the moment I fell for you... 

Poem: Why do I write?

I write,
To let my pain flow sometimes
As words,
To express what I fail-
To say,
I write,
To rejoice my victory sometimes,
To remind me of my failure at times,
I write,
To make my love immortal
For someone my heart beats,
I write,
To leave memories after me,
To let you search me in my writings...

Debt paid by an Alzheimer's patient daughter

After a long, tiresome week, I chose to watch a South Korean movie, 'A Moment to Remember,' suggested by one of my friends.
I wanted to relax, but the movie left me restless. It reminded me of  someone my mom told me, years back.
I remembered clearly that particular visit to my  maternal place when I met Ridhima Mashi; young, beautiful and an energetic teacher. Like every curious girl, I asked my mom, 'Is she married?'
My mom did not give me a direct answer.
'I will tell you later.'
I forgot and she too never told. The years rolled by.  And I almost forgot about her until we met her again on my last visit.
She was now a principal of a government school. Nothing had changed much except her hair. She still stood tall in her beauty and personality. I observed her minutely. She did not carry any sign of a married woman. But then I thought, why did my mother not say no directly?
So, now as a grown up lady, I asked mom again. This time she narrated me the story.
Ridhima was the youngest daughter of her parents. After her birth, her mother had an unusual disease. Ridhima's mother was diagnosed with eclampsia and then after a few years with Alzheimer. Ridhima's mother never knew she was her daughter. As her abnormalities increased, Ridhima's mother kept aloof from others in a separate room.
Ridhima never got her mother's love and care. Her family too tagged her as a cursed child. With time, Ridhima grew up as a beautiful lady. Her eldest brother became a doctor. Her elder sister got married early even before she could complete her graduation.
Ridhima completed her graduation in chemistry. Soon after her graduation, her marriage got fixed to a football player of a famous football club of West Bengal.
She got married to that footballer. As per rituals, she came with her husband to take the blessings.
During their stay, Her husband observed her mother. And from one of her relatives, he came to know about Ridhima's mother's conditions.
Once they returned back, Ridhima's husband told about his mother-in-law's mental state to his family. They only knew that she was not well. But now he knew everything. The guy's sister-in-law told him that Ridhima  too might develop this after her pregnancy. And it left him disturbed.
Ridhima was witnessing all these discussions. But she chose to remain silent. Their honeymoon was already planned. And as scheduled, they were about to leave for Shimla. They reached the station before time. Her husband told her that he would bring some eatables and would be back soon. 
She waited for him. The train came and left. But he did not turn up.  That whole evening, she sat in the station waiting for him.
She knew he would never come back. So, she returned back to her home.
Ridhima then did some professional courses and joined a school after three years of that incident. She did not remarry. Her brother along with his wife and two daughters left Ridhima and his ailing mother, and settled in Delhi. Ridhima took care of her mother and she continued working in that school. Her mother passed away at the age of 77.
Now, Ridhima lived alone in the house with the memories of her mother who never gave her the recognition as a daughter.
Readers, this is the story of my mother's friend. I know some diseases are incurable. And so was in the case of Ridhima's mother. But what was the fault of Ridhima? Don't you think she was punished for being an Alzheimer's patient daughter?

Short Story: The Gambler

'Need to tell you something. Please call me, once you are free.' I received a message from Payal.
'I am in the middle of an assignment. I will call you once I am free.' I texted.
'Okay.' I received an instant reply.
I got busy with my work and almost forgot about this. But while I was having my dinner, Payal's message crossed my mind. I finished my dinner and then quickly finished the kitchen stuff.
I rang up Payal. She received my call in just one ring. It seemed she had been waiting for my call.
'Hello, Arpita.'
'Hello.' I replied back.
'My friend wants to talk to you.  She needs some advice or rather a counselling session. Will you have time to meet us for an hour this weekend?'
I could never say no to Payal. So, I promised to meet them at Cafe Bistro.
I found them there when I reached. They were having coffee. I felt as if meeting me in time that was what mattered to them.
Payal got up and gave me a hug. She then introduced me to her friend, Mousami Roy.
I shook my hand with her and settled down on a chair opposite to her.
'What do you want to have?' Payal asked as she pushed the menu towards me.
'Caffe latte.'
I waited for my coffee. But till then, there was a silence. Only we exchanged smiles.
I took few sips of the hot coffee. And I thought of initiating the conversation.
'So... Mousami, how can I help you?'
'I am in a dilemma. I don't know what to do.
I heard about you from Payal. And so I thought of meeting you.'
'I am not a professional counsellor. My advice and suggestions sometimes work for my friends. I can't say how far I will be helpful. Tell me, why are you confused? What is troubling you?'
Mousami then narrated me her story. Two years back, her next lane neighbour brought the proposal of their only son for her. The boy,
Rupam Sarkar, was also known to them all. She had seen him many a times in her growing years. Rupam completed his graduation in Guwahati and then went to Kolkata. He got a job in a reputed bank and was settled there. He visited his parents during festivals. Mousami's parents were happy to get a proposal from a family in the neighbourhood. Moreover, their younger daughter would not be too far from them, unlike their elder one. Mousami's elder sister, Reesha, was settled in Cochin. Reesha was happily married to a guy from West Bengal and was a proud mother of a one year old boy.
Mousami's mother discussed about the proposal with Reesha over phone. They were happy and decided to take the proposal further if Mousami gave her consent. Mousami asked some time to know the guy. Both the families agreed.
She began talking to Rupam over the phone. After two months, they met. It was a fairy tale for her. Rupam appeared to her like the Prince of the many stories she had heard of. Rupam was a very decent, loving and caring person. Within a year's time, he bonded very well, even with her sister and her brother-in-law. She felt lucky. She could share with him everything without the fear of being judged. He wanted to give her all the happiness on earth. So, he thought of starting a small venture. He told her that he was working overtime to make his business grow.  She felt happy that she had a hard working life partner.
Months passed. Her relationship with Rupam became strong and her love for him increased with passing day. And finally their marriage got fixed. It was scheduled on 20th July, 2018.
She was busy making plans for her future life. Everything was going as planned. A month before her marriage, Rupam told her that his shares were in great loss. He was in need of financial help. He even added he could not ask from his parents as they had been arranging stuff for marriage.
Mousami was a front office executive in a car showroom. And she had used her small savings in the marriage arrangements. So, she told Rupam that she could only help him with Rs 10,000. Rupam wanted around Rs 50,000. And with Mousami's help also he would not be able to compensate his loss. Rupam then sought help from Reesha's husband who readily agreed. Things got sorted out and every arrangement of her marriage was done without any hurdle. On 19th July, 2018 her mother got to know about all this. She did not like Rupam's act. She did not get a good feeling. She even asked Mousami if she wanted to give a second thought for Rupam. Mousami assured her mother that everything would be alright. It was her concern for Mousami that resulted in such thoughts. And on 20th July, Mousami and Rupam got married in a grand way.
After all rituals, Rupam left for Kolkata and Mousami continued her job in Guwahati. She stayed with her in-laws. She would visit her parents twice a week and sometimes even stayed with them.
After about a month, Mousami's father was diagnosed with cancer. So, her parents left for Chennai in the middle of September.
Mousami was going through emotional crisis. Rupam came to Guwahati for some personal work. Rupam at that time insisted her to open a locker and keep her jewelry there. She agreed and did the same. Mousami expressed her desire to be with her parents during Pooja vacation as her father would be going through chemotherapy. He agreed.  He told that he too would join. Mousami was happy and felt proud of his gestures.
In the end of September, Mousami asked Rupam to do her travelling arrangements. He told her that he was in short, of fund. So, she transferred Rs 17,000 in Rupam's account.
After two days, she asked him whether he had arranged the flight tickets. He told her that he had. She was about to board flight on 15/10/2018 from Guwahati.
On 12th of October, she asked Rupam to mail her the tickets. And that day, he told her that he needed the money urgently and had used for his work.
She was shocked. She did not ask for any clarification. One of her colleagues made the arrangement, and she left for Chennai in the scheduled day. She was received by her father at the airport. She felt helpless when she hugged her dad, her real hero who cared for her even during his illness.
Rupam joined her in Chennai on 21st October. And once she returned to the lodge after a tiresome day at the hospital, he became desperate to have sex.
She was silent. She did not speak a word. Next morning, when Rupam was trying to become cosy with her, she pushed him. She asked him what he did with her 17000 rupees. He casually told her that he lost that money by chance in gambling. She got the shock of her life.
After two days, Rupam left for Kolkata and she resumed her work in Guwahati. There were many things going on her mind. She had to find answers. After a few days, she went to the bank and checked her locker. To her surprise, it was empty. She asked Rupam about this. He told her very casually that he sold them off.
She left her in-laws house and came back to her house because her mother in law did not want to hear a single word against her son.
She was helpless. She called Reesha and told her everything. Reesha asked her not to worry since she would look into the matter.
Reesha and her husband called him and asked him to return their money urgently. He said he would give them in two days. But after that, he stopped receiving their calls. Reesha's husband tried to find Rupam's details. He was shocked to know the details.
Rupam was an ex employer of the bank. Due to his irresponsible ways, he was terminated from the job. He had lost a huge amount of money in gambling.
Everyone in Mousami's family was in great shock after knowing about Rupam. His parents did not accept the fact that their son was a fraud. They indirectly put the blame on Mousami. They believed that Mousami brought misfortune for Rupam.
She left her in-laws house and came back to her parents place. Her parents had not returned from Chennai.
She began sobbing loudly. I put my hand on hers.
'Have you filed a case against him?' I asked.
'No.'
'What do you want to do? How can you live your life like this? Don't you deserve a better life?'
'I do deserve a better life. I have known him for more than two years. I have made moments with him. Now, suddenly I am asked to leave him. I am advised by all to file divorce case.  But no one can understand what I am going through. Tell me, is divorce the only solution. Will my life be same after divorce? Will I be allowed to live a life without being tagged as divorcee? Don't you think life is a big gambler than my husband?'
I was speechless. Truly, do I have answers to her questions?

Short Story: Black and Wealthy Lottery

Sutapa Bhattacharjee
Scale 1 Officer
Salary: 70,000
Status: Married
Education Details: M.Sc, Statistics.
I filled up my particulars very proudly for an internal examination. I knew I would crack the examination. All throughout my student life and career I had always made to the top ten lists.  Success had never betrayed me. I proved myself capable at every step, but still I could not figure out why I fumbled in my personal front after marriage. A free bird got caged, I thought. Was my marriage a cage? Or, was I a part of social stigma?
I sat in my office half heartedly. I could not concentrate on my work. I skipped meetings and returned to my home early.
My son, Ankur had already returned from the school. He was doing his homework when I entered. My daughter was playing with my mom. My father was taking a rest after lunch and my mother was there in the drawing room with my kids. She was having her granny time.  She was supervising Ankur's homeworks and at the same time taking care of Ananya. I had employed a lady who looked after my daughter's needs. My mother just gave her instructions how to do.
I smiled at them and walked to my room. I kept the official stuff on the couch and headed towards the bathroom.
I took a cold shower for 5 minutes. I put on the bath towel and walked barefoot to my room. As I stood in front of the mirror, I saw myself. Tears rolled down. And once again, I took the train 5 years back.
April 28, 2013, I got married to Arindam Banerjee.  Arindam worked in an MNC as a sales executive. He was a B. Com graduate.
His family accepted our proposal sent in Bharat matrimony. After a few initial discussions, we met. He was a good guy and his family seemed to be simple. He was the only son. He stayed with his parents in Kolkata. As I was working with a state government organisation, he would try to shift to my place, Guwahati. Arindam was tall, thin and white complexioned guy. I never thought he would say yes to me. But he did. Neither did he match up with my expectations, but still I too said yes. I only knew how many times I was rejected. So, finally I, a dark complexioned healthy girl, fortunately married a handsome guy.
After marriage, I found Arindam to be supportive, caring and good husband. He was unable to shift to Guwahati but he visits me twice every month. Sometimes, he would come every weekend. I too visited him and spent my holidays at his home, Kolkata. Life had been the way I dreamt, supportive husband and good in laws.  Whenever I went to Kolkata, we spent most of the time indoors. He did not like to visit his relatives or his friends. I found him introvert.  But he was always good to me.
One year passed. On 4th May, 2014, his cousin sister's marriage was fixed at Silchar. I was excited to attend the wedding. She was close to me. I was planning to attend when Arindam told he would be on an official tour and would attend on the way. He added further that it would be difficult for him to take me along. I tried to make him understand, but despite of this, he did not take me along. I was hurt, but I ignored.
4th June, 2015, we were blessed with a baby son. They named him Ankur as my husband's name to have A as the first initial. Everything was beautiful in my life except social in acceptance. I never had the opportunity to meet his friends and go out for a get together.
Two years later, I was again blessed with a baby girl. She made my life complete. As expected, she too was named by the first initial of her dad.
I had two lovely kids,  Good husband, in laws and everything. Yet, I was not accepted completely. Sometimes,  I felt I was a good deal for Arindam. I had government Service and his job and career got a mortgage. As time rolled by, this feeling was becoming more firm. I always wondered how could a guy like Arindam accept to marry me?  I was rejected 30 times by different guys. They never stated the reason. They only said we would contact later,  after they would meet me face to face. But their calls never came and my parents wait never ended. So, when Arindam said yes,  we were happy. I was happy that someone gave value to my qualifications, my job and for what a person I was and not to outer beauty. I kept Arindam in high regards. But with time, I was seeing another face of him, the reality.
I was lost. My daughter's cry brought me back to my present world. I quickly put on my trouser and tee and rushed downstairs.
I took her from my mother's lap. My son rushed to me.
'Mom, see this is a lottery ticket. Grandpa gave me. He said that we would win if luck favor us.'
I nodded with a smile.
And then I thought, 'Am I not a wealthy lottery ticket for Arindam?'